Yu Xi;
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Thursday, April 26, 2007
Lots of things to say, Yet concealed within
I've once asked myself this question, Been probbed this question as well. But I'll still say, I cant like a idiot.
Actions are too much for me, Personality's too wild for me. Ya i admit, having someone like that beside you is quite a bit of fun. But, If i were to spend relationships with someone like that, I guessed there are a lot of other factors than just love itself.
All this years, I've been trying to find where Joleen is at. When I eventually found her, She just seemed so different. Disappoined.
Ma Ma pok just scolded me =(
yu xi-de ! 7:11 PM
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
.LOR LOR LOR LOR LOR LOR.
I've got huge friends, Huge companies. I've got large casual friends, large casual companies. I've got small good friends, small good companies. I've got one best friend, One small company. I've got one mom, one small mom, small mom LOL.
What have I been doing, I am not really sure about it. But one thing im sure of, is that I am very behind of everything. Studies, Very much. I do not know a lot of things about many subjects, I am just wasting my time away. Damn it, my N levels are near.....*ALERT ALERT YOU ARE BEING SCANNED OH NOES!!@!*(@&!(@!@*. Shit, I was blogging and suddenly a white Pok attacked me from no where. Aiya I am becoming more and more random, i do not know why. I am probably influenced by queen pok =(.
I've builded some rapport with some teachers and probably disappointed them the latter. I cant believe what i do sometimes, Its just really so unmoral. Recently I found out that, I am really just so unmotivated for things. It is not the void. It is...I dont know. Everything I do, I'll give up half way. I feel so disappointed with myself sometimes, I really let myself down .
For once I really felt that Piano isn't something thats suited for the lazy, I am so darn lazy. I would want to learn a song, But i wouldn't practice it the correct way, instead the slack way. However still, I would want to complete Yuna's Determination soon, Lord God..I need help.
I know im not all that perfect, But at least I dont do these things. I feel that whether your a boy or a girl. If you have something to say to someone, You should do it the right way. And not inflict pain on his/her surroundings, Example: Friends.
If you've got something to hate about someone, You should say it straight. And not do despicable actions.
I just wanna say I've got a good mom who cooks for me everyday, and her name is mama pok. k bye blog HEE HEE HEE
yu xi-de ! 9:30 PM
Saturday, April 14, 2007
This few days, A bit rubbish. Days passed so quickly, and everyday someone will definitely whine to me SAD SIA. "IM SO LONELY" . Lessons seemed to be so relaxing, Perhaps its because overtime i would doze off frequently. I had been quite obsessed with not computer games (Ok similar). I had been obsessed with Text based game. I find them to be quite entertaining, Cos got a lot of diplomacy involved. Most importantly, you can find lots of politics issues inside.
Ya Its just like how you manage yourself, and your group of people. I think some people are just born to be dickheads, They can be so relaxed and assure you that everything would be fine. And the next moment they attack you, CB WINTER FROM alliance #81. Next time i ji tao _|_ HIM HAHAHAHA.
Anyway, This few I had been sleeping late around 1-2 a.m. Keep playing games, Sigh Am i beyond cure? Not really, I had been wondering a lot. You know white pok is a lamer, When she's unhappy with me. She wont tell me , she will hint me but removing the heart thats displayed next to my name in her blog. And when she's happpy, She would put the heart back. What a way of communicating right? Besides speaking of which, She's not replying me on sms because she fell asleep. So predictable sia. She said i always bully her, ARE YOU SURE A NOT LOL?????//////////. Im always a kind and rational person. k bull.
Yes, today my piano got tuned. I feel real. The experience of having to play a much clearer and much sounder piano makes the playing experience more enjoyable. It induces, EXCITEment. As I have my piano lessons today, I just found out something. I am one that is never really determined to do anything, If determined Its only for a while. I've always done everything well, but that's only for a short period of time. I feel that if i manage to be more determined, And much focused. I would definitely excel.
"Dear Son, you have to commit to excel on your N level subjects. I see a slack in this move after your recovery from sickness. You must find means to motivate yourself in order to achieve the good results. You must at least have a desire to start with to do so, Dad"
Ok tired already, White pokkier strikes again.
yu xi-de ! 12:42 AM
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
No when, no want, no worry.
Sometimes , We're often reminded so many times but we might not really understand them. Its like people telling you so many times that you had changed, But you still do not understand what has been changed. However, you'll only realize it when you REALLY DO UNDERSTAND.
I've took a look at a old picture of mine, At first it was just like any other ordinary tease. As I look at it further, different angles. I just realized that I had been totally lost. What have i been doing all this while, In the past. I was very happy, yes I enjoyed most of the time. I often frantically smile at the smallest things, I am easily happy. Whenever I was with my friends, I was so happy I've always felt contended. There was no void, no space, and no emptiness.
The period of time with Geraldine, I've learnt a lot of things. So much that I've changed into a completely different person. A phrase she said today to me that really strucked me open, and left me speechless. "See la, everyday dota dota dota" She meant it as a joke, But little did she know that I've wasted so much of my time. Changing, changing , changing, changing, and dota was just a little factor of it. I've changed so badly , so badly I couldn't even recognize myself. What on earth had I done with myself, I made myself so stressed up till my complexion went bad, I've made myself so upset with life that i wasn't happy for a long period of time.
I've experienced a different part of life, a part i've never wanted to experienced. As I frantically took a picture of Genesis, Geraldine and I. I've covered a part of my face, I cant believe I looked like a girl. Quite embarrassed , But that period of time was damn fun .
But at least I do know now, Ya maybe I can never be how i used to be emotionally. But on the physique side, I would want to be better. It does not only help me mentally, But also confidentally(Is there such a word O_O.
In the past , I was concerned with myself. Im not even concerned with myself now. There is this deep void, this deep sense of void. Play my interesting piano, Nah..It doesn't fill the void. Play my favourite game dota, Nah...It doesn't fill the void.. Friends.. Nah..Different feeling.
I'll find the solid to clear my void. Soon..
yu xi-de ! 9:34 PM
Chay Yu Xi;
What can i say?
Everybody's changing and I dont feel the same
playing now
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